Tuesday, September 6, 2011
Aspergers and food
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Who is really suffering separation anxiety?
Like myself, many more women these days have pursued education and a professional career. The last decades have seen a dramatic increase in the number of females pursuing meaningful employment. Subsequently most women can empathise with the painful dilemma of leaving their child to return to the workplace.
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Kurly K's Official Launch
Yeeeeeeehhhhhaaaaaaaa
Kurly K is officially here.
Whilst I've been busy blogging on all things kids, Iv'e also had some very talented people working behind the scenes on
Kurly K's website and Reward Charts.
Kurly K is aiming to provide education to mums, dads, grandparents, teachers, carers and the like interested in knowing more about children's development.
We are also working on resources for kids, the first being our very cute reward charts. Cupcakes, spaceships, owls and racing cars all designed to get the best out of our little angels.
So to celebrate the launch of Kurly K it seems only fitting to offer a competition to give away some of our reward charts.
Visit www.kurlyk.com.au and go to our Contact page.
Enter your details and tell me what ODD stands for and how you would describe this condition in laymans terms?
Get it right and win yourself a reward chart of your choice when you purchase one online.
Good luck and no cheating ;)
Kurly K
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Starting big school
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
Separating Siblings
Separating Siblings
Separation is often painful and confusing for any child involved. The experience of loss often precipitates a process of grieving for the child. It is not uncommon for children to internalise the trauma, blaming themselves for the loss of a parent.
But what happens when parents disagree on the primary care arrangements for the children involved. It is not uncommon for parents to disagree on the living arrangements for their children. An issue I have stumbled upon less commonly is that of separating siblings between the two parents.
Although every situation is deserving of consideration, there are real issues to be considered with separating siblings between the two parental households.
In our early days of existence we develop an attachment to our primary caregivers. Attachment refers to the social and emotional bond or connection formed with the significant people in our lives. Relationships of attachment are healthy for our social and emotional development. Despite many siblings protests defying the theory of their attachment with their smelly brother or annoying sister, a strong relationship of attachment also develops between siblings.
Siblings are often best of friends and best of enemies. They are role models and protectors. Siblings can also function in a caring role for one another. They form a bond that is unique to any other relationship they will experience in their lives. In situations where parents have been absent or unable to provide the needed attachment, siblings often compensate for the loss of such a bond from the parent, forming an even stronger bond between themselves.
Separating siblings often leads to siblings questioning why they were removed from one parent when their sibling wasn't. Children will typically internalise these reasons and conclude that they were taken away from mummy because they were naughty or because mummy didn't want them anymore. Children may not verbalise their perspectives, hence harbouring such thoughts for years to come. The impact of which is significant on their social, emotional and mental development.
We have witnessed the negative impacts of separating siblings in foster care. After suffering the loss of the parents, being separated from one's siblings serves to enhance their sense of grief and loss, and is expected to significantly impact long term development.
So would you separate siblings by choice?
The issue to consider is the reason for separating siblings. In considering the unavoidable impact of the parental separation on children, what circumstances are considered reasonable to compound the impact further? The decision to separate siblings needs to be made with care. The decision to separate siblings needs to be considered with the child's needs as priority. Such a decision cannot be considered appropriate if the reasoning involves convenience issues and logistical reasons for the parents. "It's easier to get him to soccer" and "I need to spend mummy daughter time with her" are not reasons to send a son to live with his father. Are these reasons really in consideration of the child or the parent?
Children who are separated individually from other siblings in the family often report feeling rejected and discarded by the family, no longer feeling a part of the family unit. These children often function with bitterness and anger, subsequently labeled as problem children with behaviour issues.
In saying this, parents will make their own choices regarding the care arrangements of their children in separated circumstances. Making efforts to have special time with each of your children irrespective of living arrangements is the goal to be achieved, and perhaps these occasions should be exactly that....special time, not long term living arrangements.
Kurly K
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
Why you really want to be able to control your kids
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
Money makes the world go round!
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
Is it OK to smack your child?
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Mothers Guilt
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
Can you give your kids too much?
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Keeping it light
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Whose tantrum is it anyway?
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
To act or not to act...that is the question!
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
So they say actions speak louder than words!
When it comes to kids, it's gospel!
How many of you have heard yourself saying "Geez I sound like my mother"....and...."If I ever sound like that (referring to that ranting raving crazy hormonally imbalanced mother) just shoot me"? But we are all doing it. "....Harry come here and put your shoes on, put that down and come here please, I need you to come here now otherwise mummy is going to be late for work and mummy has a really important meeting to get to, no I don't want to see your favourite new trick dismounting from the lounge head first bellowing 'To infinity and beyoooooond' (although I am secretly impressed), come here NOW please, Harry, (stern voice) come here now or I will leave without you (Harry so doesn't care), that's it, I'm going now, Im going Harry, I'm really going now, did you hear what I said?, Im going and I'm leaving without you!"
Likely result: Harry thinks "blah blah blah blah, she's full of ka ka! She's never left me before, chances are she ain't leaving me this time and even if she did, it would be much more peaceful around here without all that nagging.
So what is wrong with my approach? In my adult head, it makes perfect sense. I have explained my predicament and stressed the importance of getting out of the house on time to ensure my prompt arrival at the executive meeting, I've explained the reasons why I need Harry to have his shoes on his feet when we leave the house and why he can't wear his new Nikes to preschool...and I've also explained how important it is for Harry to listen to me when I tell him not to practise his buzz impersonation from the lounge as he is actually putting himself in danger of a very serious injury. Once again Harry hears BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH.
Words mean very little to a child. Kids don't listen unless we make them listen. You can talk until you're blue in the face (sound familiar) but they seem to hear nothing. You can talk talk talk until the cows come home, but most kids will wait for the cows to come home before they will decide to listen. And lets face it, why would you listen if you really didn't have to!
Words to a child: Yeah yeah, I know you keep saying you're going to take my DS, but you actually haven't so the odds seem to be in my favour at this point in time. Nothing has happened yet so I might just hang out until something does happen and worry about it then (actually makes sense really).
Kids hear action, not words. Taking the DS says it all. An action has been imposed, you can't help but hear that.
Kids have this amazing ability to switch off from words (unlike adults) but kids definitely hear action. The action we impose upon our kids reinforces that we are the ones in control and that we call the shots.
We as parents must be in control. The more we talk talk talk at our kids, the more we undermine our position of authority. We threaten, promise, negotiate, nag...but why not just follow through with an action. What's the worst thing that could happen? We make our kids very temporarily unhappy, angry, upset, cranky, sad. Sad that they realise they have been stripped of the power and, as i've mentioned previously, it is a child's sole purpose in life to maintain their sense of power and control. Hence why action is so effective in managing children's behaviour.
It's not such a far fetched concept. Imagine the football referee who promises the players "If I see you off-side again, I'm really going to penalise you this time, I mean it, I am to be taken seriously so heed this warning and stay on side". Sounds serious! Any footballer I know would have ceased listening at "If I see you....BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH" (we wonder where our kids get it from). Furthermore, when the referee fails to take action again, fails to penalise for off-side play, this lack of action is a beaming green light to say "go on, try your luck, there's every chance you'll get away with it".....and then god forbid the referee actually pull you up for the off-side behaviour, what respect do we hold for the referee and his authority by this time?....next to none.