Parenting as a team sport

Picture this.....final minutes of the game. I'm dribbling the ball down the field, in the clear, only the goalie to beat. Im the sure thing!!!! I line up my shot (focus Kate!), deep breath in (relax), head over the ball (i remember this from training) swing and connect, lovely follow through and look up to see my perfectly executed shot sailing through the air, narrowly missing my target goal (if a 5 metre swing to the right is considered narrow!). Soooooooo close, but sadly "I" have lost the game for the team.

Any good coach would at this point convincingly exclaim "There's no "I" in Team".

I, of all people, should absolutely know this as I spend my days talking to parents about uniting as a team when managing our kids. In any family unit, there is no option for "I", only room for "we".

Now it can't be denied that our kids were created by the mutual efforts of the "we" in this relationship. Why is it that somewhere along the line, this can change quite significantly, ending up in opposing parenting roles....the Good Parent/Bad Parent predicament!

Arggggghhhh, the dangers of Good Parent/Bad Parent!!!!

So unless you haven't worked it out yet, the sole purpose of any child's existence is to exert their sense of power and control in this world....because don't forget, it's all about them (just ask them, they will happily tell you this). Children are mini experts at creating a minefield smack bang in the middle of any sound relationship, and unless we are armed and ready for the battles created by our little angels we find ourselves working against one another rather than with one another. And ultimately, inconsistent and uncooperative parenting leads to poor follow through.

Who would have thought, the perfect couple who happily said "I do" suddenly divided by another human being barely reaching 3 feet tall.

Other than the stress this creates on our adult relationship, opposing parenting leaves a gaping hole in any management system, undermining all your best efforts of managing your child.

Now, any Psychologist will tell you that children are born with superior radar systems finely tuned for detection of any hole or inconsistency in their parent's management system. These radar systems are permanently set on high alert, just waiting for that moment in which they catch you out, then run a mile smiling from ear to ear with the greatest sense of self satisfaction at once again having achieved their goal of having one up on mum and dad.

And how often do you find yourself questioning "...how on earth did that just happen....and he's only 3?"

In anticipation of our future blogs on the specifics of the behaviour management do's and dont's, one vital message to be heard is that we absolutely must present as a united front to our kids if we have any chance of successful management. And remember there is no "I" in this team!