Can someone give me the golden strategy.....pleeeeaaassseee?

Seriously, what strategy haven't you tried in an attempt to get your kids to co-operate?

Demanding....'Do it now or else!'

Pleading....'Pleeeaaaase get dressed, can't you see I'm sick and tired of having to ask you over and over again?'

Begging....'Please stop, Ill do anything you want if you just tell me what's wrong'

Negotiating....'If you clean your teeth now you can stay up another half hour'

Manipulating....'If you pick up your toys now I will take you to McDonald's'

Reverse Psychology...'No I'm going to eat the broccoli, mmmm, I loooooooove broccoli'

Promising...'If you don't do your homework, I'm cancelling your 6th birthday party...and I mean it!'

Threatening...'Wait until I tell your father what you have just done, you're going to be in big trouble Mister!'

The 6 year law degree, the 10 years corporate training, the outstanding business performance worthy of promotion....none of these prepare us for the trials and tribulations faced in parenthood. You need to pass more than 30 rigorous law exams before you're considered equipped and qualified to argue the point of law to a judge, but no exam in a law degree will ever prepare you for the fight against your 3 year old screaming for a choccie in the middle of the confectionary isle at Coles. Hence we resort back to any one of the above strategies (probably begging and then threatening, before returning back to begging) in an attempt to appease our little ones.

None of these commonly used strategies really work....Why?

Because they rely on the child agreeing with us, being reasonable, wanting the same outcome, exerting self control and using consequential thinking to influence their actions! When was the last time you heard your child utter something of the sort : 'You know what, I really think I should listen to my mum today because she is really at the end of her tether, she looks like she's going to blow a gasket and if I push her just that little bit further, she's really going to lose it and she may well phone DOCS for my removal. And besides, I really don't need that choccie anyway!' And if we are honest, we could all name a few adults who continue to struggle with these concepts yet we expect children to have them down pat....and unfortunately children do not have the capacity developmentally to master such skills.

So what does work with kids?

We need to set boundaries and limits for our kids. We need to make demands on our kids. Kids need to learn that we have expectations of them and that they are accountable.

Boundaries mean saying NO! No you cant jump on the lounge, no you cant empty the fridge at your will, no you cant demand three different dinners, no you cant have a new toy, no you cant speak like that, and no you cant say NO to me! Making demands means yes, you do have to put your shoes on, you do have to pick up your toys, you do have to carry your plate back to the kitchen, and yes you must sit down whilst we eat dinner.....why?, because I said so!

It is vitally important that we follow through with action. Kids need to learn that they are expected to comply with the demands of their parents or they will face a consequence. Consequences are actions.....and actions speak louder than words.

This means that we make a demand, present a consequence and then FOLLOW THROUGH! Don't be afraid of the yelling, screaming, crying, shrieking, wailing, blubbering, banging, hitting and whatever else may erupt. These behaviours are all an attempt to undermine your authority and regain the control....the purpose behind every child's sense of being, to maintain the control in their world.

Despite what may seem apparent at the time of your child's demonstration of horror, children function much better when they know their limits and their boundaries. When they know their expectations, and they accept the concept of consequences, they demonstrate the ability to make good decisions where ultimately mum and dad are happy and they too are happy.

And how do children ever come to accept consequences? Consistency is the key!

Kurly K