Am I a team player?

So we all agree that parenting needs to be a team sport. But do we really recognise some of our behaviours that are undermining our efforts to demonstrate a united front?

Of course there are the obvious disagreements... Mummy takes a toy away for unwanted behaviour and Daddy compensates with another toy, Daddy imposes a grounding that Mummy doesn't follow though.....and says 'shh, don't tell Daddy', Mummy imposes Time Out and Daddy rescues the child with comforting cuddles. But perhaps there are less obvious inconsistencies in our parenting that we are not so aware of.

Let me illustrate for you...(my poor husband has never heard the end of it):

Master 2 was outside playing in the yard with Daddy. Mummy calls from the back door "Its time to come inside, dinner is ready". Of course Master 2 is unhappy with such an outrageous demand! Master 2 wishes to demonstrate his disapproval by yelling 'nooooooooooo' and stomping his feet like he is leading the All Star's marching band....at which time my team mate aka: Daddy says to Master 2 "Come on mate, Mummy says it time to go inside!"

So here we have the classic 'Good parent/Bad parent', and no prize for guessing who gets what title.

As much as my team mate thought he was being supportive of my request (the look of daggers really took him aback), the underlying message to Master 2 goes something like this "...me and my mate Daddy were having so much fun until Mummy ruined it all by asking us to come inside and Daddy says we better do what she says".

Who is the real team here, Mummy and Daddy or Daddy and Master 2?

The message that both Mummy and Daddy need to demonstrate is....'you need to do this because I have asked you and I am the boss', rather than...'you need to do this because Mummy said so (but if she hadn't have said so I would have loved to have continued to play with you in the back yard all night long).

Being a team in front of our kids is supporting decisions made and instructions given as though they were made by both parents, not by only one.

Mums often complain that they hold responsibility for managing our kids' day to day events. This of course includes getting kids to eat their dinner, do their homework, clean their teeth and have them bathed and ready for bed before witching hour. These mums are making all the demands on the kids, leaving Daddy to be the fun parent. So unless Daddy is seen to also be initiating such demands in line with his team mate, Daddy becomes the fun parent and Mummy becomes the fun police.

One danger of this unequal parenting is that Master 2 develops the courage to disrespect the fun police parent rescued by the comfort and security of his mate, the fun parent.

It can't only be one parent making the demands on our children "put your shoes on, pick up your pencils, sit at the table, put your toys away".

So if you find yourself reading this saying "OMG, Yes that is me....I'm the fun police parent!", devise a strategy to parent as a real team, sharing the responsibility of being both decision maker and decision enforcer.

Kurly K