Starting big school

Starting big school is probably the first major milestone our little ones will make independently of mum and dad. For some kids it is an exciting time, and for others it can be overwhelming and anxiety provoking.

School readiness is the term often used to describe a child's intellectual and emotional capacity to cope with the transition to school.

So what are we doing as parents that is either helping or hindering our child's potential to cope with the transition to school.

In a previous blog I have talked about the effects of consistent management on our children. We know that children behave better with imposed limits and consistent boundaries. Behaviour management strategies serve also to assist in the emotional development of our children. Placing demands on our children, having expectations of them and managing emotional outbursts help them to learn the basic principles of 'suck it up' and 'yes you have to do things you don't want to do'.

Children who are not exposed to management of dramatic emotional experiences tend to indulge in their emotional reactions, which in turn reinforces their experience of the dramatic emotion. Hence when faced with new challenges, this child is more likely to experience a dramatic emotional reaction (as it is second nature to have such dramatic emotion) and of course has little or no skill in managing this emotion themselves.

Children who are consistently exposed to demands and expectations learn to accept the concept of doing things they don't necessarily want to do, this becomes second nature to them. So when facing a new situation such as starting school, these kids are more equipped to accept the transition. These kids are more equipped with emotional management strategies, so are more likely to cope with the demands that come with starting school such as leaving mum for a day, dealing with the teacher that yells and managing the mean kid in the playground.

Arming kids with emotional management strategies is arming kids with the foundations for life's coping skills. In addition there are specific strategies that can assist children as the time of transition to school approaches.

A child's ability to function independently will often differentiate one child from the next in the first year of school. The confidence to function independently is born from gradual exposure to expectations of independent behaviour. Hence why it is important to expect the 2 year old to pick up their toys, the 3 year old to bring their dinner plate back to the kitchen, the 4 year old to put on their own underpants and the 5 year old to start learning to tie their shoelaces. With a history of expecting children to function independently, children are more likely to adopt the independent behaviour required in a school environment such as putting away their hat and jumper, eating food from their lunchbox on their own and toileting independently.

A child who has been exposed to strategies of emotional management is less likely to experience anxiety with starting school. To further instil confidence in the child regarding their transition to school talk talk talk about their new environment. A social story which is essentially a personal picture book representing the child in their school environment is a great way to demystify the unknown as much as possible.

Respect the fact that your child may be anxious about the impending change in their life. Just think, how would you feel starting a new job in a new field and a new environment? Anxiety plus plus plus if you ask most people. Like most adults, change for children can be daunting and sometimes overwhelming, but remember much of what we are doing as parents from the beginning of our children's lives can significantly impact our their ability to cope with life's 'stuff' such as change.

Kurly K