Get the most out of your children with rewards!

Reward Charts can work a treat when they are incorporated with a good management system.

Check out Kurly K for a guide on making reward systems successful. You may even get your kids eating greens!!!!

We sell reward charts for the yummy mummys who want something nice hanging on their wall...check out our spacegirl chart along with racing cars and cupcakes.

A special discount offer is available for Kurly K fans from now until Sunday evening.

Enter the name of the syndrome we are currently promoting on facebook in the discount code box and receive 30% off everything on the website.

HAPPY PARENTING

Kurly k

Who is really suffering separation anxiety?

Like myself, many more women these days have pursued education and a professional career. The last decades have seen a dramatic increase in the number of females pursuing meaningful employment. Subsequently most women can empathise with the painful dilemma of leaving their child to return to the workplace.

Are we doing the right thing by going back to work and leaving our child in the hands of another? Do we even have the choice? Whether it be for financial reasons or for our own sanity, many women are dealing with the guilt of these decisions we've made every day.

Get on the internet, read child development books and talk to those with strong one-sided views and you will be confronted with the view that leaving your child at a young age is harmful and damaging to their personality and emotional development.

What I can tell you is that children who enjoy an attentive relationship where their physical and emotional needs are actively being met develop a sense of security with regard to their existence in this world. A healthy attachment to their dominant caregiver/s creates a sense of security in the child, allowing the child the confidence to venture out and explore their world.

So is it a positive thing to allow our children the opportunity to branch out, explore their world and develop more than one relationship of attachment.

I believe so. Children with a secure emotional attachment to the dominant caregiver are more likely to feel secure in knowing their parent will return for them when left with someone else. Leaving them in the care of another trusted caregiver encourages the child to learn comfort and a sense of safety with another adult, other than the parent. It is inevitable that at some point in time every child will be separated from the dominant caregiver. Children who experience this separation for the first time when starting school are more likely to experience separation anxiety and hence have greater difficulty with the transition to school.

Children who build trusted relationships with more people than just their dominant caregiver develop a greater sense of confidence and independence. These children are more likely to demonstrate confidence with their peers and subsequently develop healthy peer relationships. They are typically the kids who are happy to run off and join in the play the minute you walk into a kids party.

Children who rarely leave the company of their parent are perhaps more likely to demonstrate an unwillingness to separate from the parent. Perhaps they are learning that it is only my mum, or only my dad who is safe. Being separated from that security can then become quite challenging for the child when confronted with that experience later in their life.

And of course, sometimes (maybe a lot of the time) it is our own anxieties about leaving our child with another trusted adult that is most problematic. We worry about how they will cope without us there, but perhaps it is more accurate to suggest that we worry how we will cope without being there. And most often, the child is fine. We on the other hand are the ones struggling to cope with the separation. We are convinced that they wont be able to settle without us there, that they wont feed properly because no-one knows quite the right way to hold the bottle or spoon feed the pumpkin mash. 10 phone calls over the space of 5 hours questioning their every action...who is it that's not coping? And if they aren't coping, perhaps that is an indication that we need to pursue the issue of separation from the dominant caregiver in a controlled way to encourage the sense of security, self confidence and independence that every parent wants for their child.

Kurly K

Kurly K's Official Launch

Yeeeeeeehhhhhaaaaaaaa

Kurly K is officially here.

Whilst I've been busy blogging on all things kids, Iv'e also had some very talented people working behind the scenes on

Kurly K's website and Reward Charts.

Kurly K is aiming to provide education to mums, dads, grandparents, teachers, carers and the like interested in knowing more about children's development.

We are also working on resources for kids, the first being our very cute reward charts. Cupcakes, spaceships, owls and racing cars all designed to get the best out of our little angels.

So to celebrate the launch of Kurly K it seems only fitting to offer a competition to give away some of our reward charts.

Visit www.kurlyk.com.au and go to our Contact page.

Enter your details and tell me what ODD stands for and how you would describe this condition in laymans terms?

Get it right and win yourself a reward chart of your choice when you purchase one online.

Good luck and no cheating ;)

Kurly K

Starting big school

Starting big school is probably the first major milestone our little ones will make independently of mum and dad. For some kids it is an exciting time, and for others it can be overwhelming and anxiety provoking.

School readiness is the term often used to describe a child's intellectual and emotional capacity to cope with the transition to school.

So what are we doing as parents that is either helping or hindering our child's potential to cope with the transition to school.

In a previous blog I have talked about the effects of consistent management on our children. We know that children behave better with imposed limits and consistent boundaries. Behaviour management strategies serve also to assist in the emotional development of our children. Placing demands on our children, having expectations of them and managing emotional outbursts help them to learn the basic principles of 'suck it up' and 'yes you have to do things you don't want to do'.

Children who are not exposed to management of dramatic emotional experiences tend to indulge in their emotional reactions, which in turn reinforces their experience of the dramatic emotion. Hence when faced with new challenges, this child is more likely to experience a dramatic emotional reaction (as it is second nature to have such dramatic emotion) and of course has little or no skill in managing this emotion themselves.

Children who are consistently exposed to demands and expectations learn to accept the concept of doing things they don't necessarily want to do, this becomes second nature to them. So when facing a new situation such as starting school, these kids are more equipped to accept the transition. These kids are more equipped with emotional management strategies, so are more likely to cope with the demands that come with starting school such as leaving mum for a day, dealing with the teacher that yells and managing the mean kid in the playground.

Arming kids with emotional management strategies is arming kids with the foundations for life's coping skills. In addition there are specific strategies that can assist children as the time of transition to school approaches.

A child's ability to function independently will often differentiate one child from the next in the first year of school. The confidence to function independently is born from gradual exposure to expectations of independent behaviour. Hence why it is important to expect the 2 year old to pick up their toys, the 3 year old to bring their dinner plate back to the kitchen, the 4 year old to put on their own underpants and the 5 year old to start learning to tie their shoelaces. With a history of expecting children to function independently, children are more likely to adopt the independent behaviour required in a school environment such as putting away their hat and jumper, eating food from their lunchbox on their own and toileting independently.

A child who has been exposed to strategies of emotional management is less likely to experience anxiety with starting school. To further instil confidence in the child regarding their transition to school talk talk talk about their new environment. A social story which is essentially a personal picture book representing the child in their school environment is a great way to demystify the unknown as much as possible.

Respect the fact that your child may be anxious about the impending change in their life. Just think, how would you feel starting a new job in a new field and a new environment? Anxiety plus plus plus if you ask most people. Like most adults, change for children can be daunting and sometimes overwhelming, but remember much of what we are doing as parents from the beginning of our children's lives can significantly impact our their ability to cope with life's 'stuff' such as change.

Kurly K

Separating Siblings

Separating Siblings

Separation is often painful and confusing for any child involved. The experience of loss often precipitates a process of grieving for the child. It is not uncommon for children to internalise the trauma, blaming themselves for the loss of a parent.

But what happens when parents disagree on the primary care arrangements for the children involved. It is not uncommon for parents to disagree on the living arrangements for their children. An issue I have stumbled upon less commonly is that of separating siblings between the two parents.

Although every situation is deserving of consideration, there are real issues to be considered with separating siblings between the two parental households.

In our early days of existence we develop an attachment to our primary caregivers. Attachment refers to the social and emotional bond or connection formed with the significant people in our lives. Relationships of attachment are healthy for our social and emotional development. Despite many siblings protests defying the theory of their attachment with their smelly brother or annoying sister, a strong relationship of attachment also develops between siblings.

Siblings are often best of friends and best of enemies. They are role models and protectors. Siblings can also function in a caring role for one another. They form a bond that is unique to any other relationship they will experience in their lives. In situations where parents have been absent or unable to provide the needed attachment, siblings often compensate for the loss of such a bond from the parent, forming an even stronger bond between themselves.

Separating siblings often leads to siblings questioning why they were removed from one parent when their sibling wasn't. Children will typically internalise these reasons and conclude that they were taken away from mummy because they were naughty or because mummy didn't want them anymore. Children may not verbalise their perspectives, hence harbouring such thoughts for years to come. The impact of which is significant on their social, emotional and mental development.

We have witnessed the negative impacts of separating siblings in foster care. After suffering the loss of the parents, being separated from one's siblings serves to enhance their sense of grief and loss, and is expected to significantly impact long term development.

So would you separate siblings by choice?

The issue to consider is the reason for separating siblings. In considering the unavoidable impact of the parental separation on children, what circumstances are considered reasonable to compound the impact further? The decision to separate siblings needs to be made with care. The decision to separate siblings needs to be considered with the child's needs as priority. Such a decision cannot be considered appropriate if the reasoning involves convenience issues and logistical reasons for the parents. "It's easier to get him to soccer" and "I need to spend mummy daughter time with her" are not reasons to send a son to live with his father. Are these reasons really in consideration of the child or the parent?

Children who are separated individually from other siblings in the family often report feeling rejected and discarded by the family, no longer feeling a part of the family unit. These children often function with bitterness and anger, subsequently labeled as problem children with behaviour issues.

In saying this, parents will make their own choices regarding the care arrangements of their children in separated circumstances. Making efforts to have special time with each of your children irrespective of living arrangements is the goal to be achieved, and perhaps these occasions should be exactly that....special time, not long term living arrangements.

Kurly K

Why you really want to be able to control your kids

As a working mum, my days with Master 3 are the most valuable. My favourite day of the week is the one where he and I just get to hang out together.

Many of us are working mums. Gone are the days where it is common place for mums to stay at home until the last child finishes high school.

Whether it be the choice of a professional mother to return to her career, or the family's financial circumstances that force a mother back into the workplace, the consensus is that most of us feel a sense of guilt over our divided loyalties and responsibilities.

As a consequence of our circumstances we often demonstrate compensatory behaviour towards our children as a result of our own guilt. When you only have limited time with your children, you want that time to be fun and full of laughs. The last thing we want to do is upset our child and ruin the valuable time we have together.

But we suffer the consequences of such compensatory behaviour. The control that we have over our children's behaviour is compromised...and is this problematic? Of course it is, and let me highlight why.

Last week Master 3 and I set off together for a day of Mummy/Harry time. We visited a busy shopping centre. Mummy got to purchase a birthday present for the 4 year olds birthday party we were to attend that weekend before Master 3 asked to go to the play centre. Master 3 played happily for a period of time before asking to go to the toilet. With a trolley in tow I pondered getting into the toilet cubicle....before I remembered the Access Toilet.

With the advance of technology, the Access Toilet is now equipped with an electronic sliding door. Hit a button and the door slides open. Hit another button once inside (with said trolley and Master 3 in tow) and door slides shut and locks. How novel!

After waiting...and waiting...and waiting for Master 3 to do his business I decided I would take the opportunity to quickly use the toilet myself. Without thought, I dropped the dacks and jumped on the loo. Mid stream I looked up to see Master 3....who was well out of my reach...launch at the OPEN button questioning "What does this one do Mummy?". I've launched myself forward to grab his arm and prevent and unbelievably embarrassing public moment but he was well out of my reach. All I had left was to blurt out in a panicked/threatening tone "Don't push that button!" And he froze...hand on button.

Ahhhh the unbelievable relief. He actually listened and showed great discipline to control his own actions purely in response to my words.

Generally the more we talk at our kids when managing behaviour, the less they hear. Master 3's every day life involves consequences for his actions. In all reality I had found myself in a situation where I was unable to control his behaviour at that point in time. With the well entrenched belief that consequences consistently follow unwanted behaviour, the demand issued whilst I was stuck in a very awkward situation was enough to stop him in his tracks.

Compensatory functioning towards our children inevitably denies the child the belief that they are expected to do what is asked of them. There are many things that a guilty mother can turn a blind eye to, but find yourself with your pants around your ankles, stuck in the Access toilet, exposed for public view whilst your child escapes into the shopping centre...and you may reconsider your need to have control over your child.

Kurly K